More Than This

It as been said that if you look at someone long enough, the truth comes out, you discover their humanity. That goes for looking at yourself as well.

I had been coasting, waiting for a shoe to drop, for the next tear to fall, for something to happen that required me to change.

I had felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, everything that was real and imagined, everything owned and unowned, until I hit the breaking point and mentally broke down.

Every day does not look upbeat and happy. I am still piecing together the broken shards of my life, wondering when (not if) it will shatter again, knowing the process is a cycle of up and down, good and bad, ruin and rejuvenation.

I always felt like I was showing up for others. I was the one who was supposed to have my act together all the time, never needing to disclose the painful parts of life.

Many people spend a lot of time ruminating, thinking about the past or the future. Do it consistently and making a habit of it creates a loop, preventing you from living in the moment. The more you ruminate, the more your imagination drifts to the negative outcomes. "
Catastrophizing," believing that something is far worse than it actually is, inevitably leads to missing out on what is happening around you. It is a trap that many fall into, consumed by what might have been or what could possibly go wrong.

I try not to ask too much of myself, or neglect my own needs. I try to focus more on the happy moments than on the painful or stressful ones.

Staying present can be a battle, making it incredibly difficult to enjoy the time you have with your loved ones, close friends and people you care about. Worrying about the future hinders our ability to live fully in the present, which is all we really have, this fleeting moment, the right now.

We all have high and low points in our lives. Anyone who appears to have it all figured out is presenting what they want you to see. There are always things that rain on their parade. Some of us are just better at hiding it, or completely suppressing it, not wanting to show the scars we hide, keeping things to ourselves until we no longer can manage to maintain the facade.

Whatever you are going through you are not alone. We are all putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward and backward, taking things day by day. One step at a time, one bite of the elephant at a time, one thing at a time.