Runaway Train

Losing control. We say that like we really had it at one point, but in reality all we ever had was a sense we understood how things were going, where we were headed and how we could influence the outcome. But that small impact we make in life that goes on whether we are here or not is all we have, so we cling to it. We say we are in control. We say we make our own destiny.
 
Loss of control is not a trivial fear; it is human and ingrained in our being. "Nawa" ("The Rope") is a work of short fiction from surrealist author Kobo Abe. He writes that:
 
"The Rope" and "The Stick," together, are one of humankind's oldest "tools." "The Stick" is for keeping evil away; "The Rope" is for pulling good toward us; these are the first friends the human race invented. Wherever you find humans, "The Rope" and "The Stick" also exist.
 
Tools to connect and disconnect, to attract and repel. Extensions of the hand, which both grips and releases. Without both of these abilities, it is useless. As newborn infants, we grab what comes near us, holding on to what we don't yet know, trying to figure it out, to control it. Later in life we grab on to ideas, thoughts, pride, still trying to figure it out, still trying to control it. And if we are lucky we learn that holding onto something for too long means there is so much else we never held, what we left behind, what we couldn't understand. To grasp something new means to let something go, exchange some ideas for new ones, confront our own values, face the words we have said in the past.

Courage can mean holding on; it can also mean letting go. Life is a difficult balance between the two. It's not a lesson we are taught in school and often we're not prepared for it. Fortunately, we go through life learning, sometimes quietly and without even realizing it, sometimes full of grief and pain from the lesson.

Peter Pan illustrates the deep connection between holding on and letting go. As Wendy is about to leave Neverland. Peter is crying and says, “It hurts so bad…” Wendy, in her ageless wisdom replies, “It’s supposed to hurt, that’s how you know it was important.”
 
Isn't that what life is all about? To look for meaning, resolution of stressful feelings, and the eventual easing of sorrow. To come to terms with constant change and perpetual departure. To understand our deep-seated desire for certainty and control is really more about give and take, about achieving balance. To increase our mastery over the power to hold on, and to let go.