Chances

Mental health issues are difficult to understand, even for those of us who suffer from them. The capacity for joy, knowing how much we are loved, is intertwined with the immensity of the illness; the sadness, being forsaken, feeling forlorn.

Depression can be all consuming or intermittent; regardless, it hurts for the rest of a person's life. It shapes us, is part of our lives, makes us seem strange and  misunderstood.

There are moments in life that break our hearts into a million pieces, tear our souls out from within, stop us in our tracks mentally/emotionally, leave us longing. I miss my childhood, when life seemed so simple. I miss my parents, especially on a warm summer night, which reminds me of camping, our choice of summer vacation. So many people, so many places, remembering the unconditional love and never worrying about the future.

I have found that reliving the original trauma or incident that caused it will ease the pain. It is not a simple thing to do or everyone would do it. This is not something I would wish on anyone.

There is pain and grief in those tears, but mainly there is wonder, beauty, empathy, hope, and happiness. While onlookers or companions or family cannot take the pain away, sharing the pain of those who remain can show they are not alone.

We may never be able to take away the depression of a loved one, but we can still give them a good day. And it's that what we strive for, to make others happy, to make life worth living, to have others smile.

Depression is an illness that sometimes is deadly, but we don't treat it like that. Nobody would call a person selfish or cruel who died because of cancer. Suicide because of depression isn't a choice. It's the last symptom of an illness. It isn't selfish when it is something one needs to do for oneself. It isn't selfish to end unbearable agony.

From my vantage point, I understand how people get to that point. I'm not there, and I'm not a threat to myself. I just understand. I have a family to support that can't live without my income, a wife who needs my love and a daughter that needs me to be the best father I can be. I also have a very large ego that keep me thinking I'd disappoint a bunch of people, and that goes directly against my need to make people happy.

Every one has free will, but not every one uses it. As much as you might care and want to avoid the bad outcomes, it sometimes happens despite all you can do. We have some control and some influence but many events are beyond our control. Sometimes we just believe we sleep with the certain knowledge of those we wish to be at peace are, and that they wish us to be as well.

Life just disappears, everything you are, everything we were, gone in a moment, like breath on a mirror. We must take all our chances while we can, as we never know when they'll pass us by. Life is too short not to make others happy, even if we can't always be happy ourselves.