Whatever It Takes

We all have people we turn to when we need advice, want to have important discussions, seek wise counsel. Some are family, some are friends, some we've never met but their lives, their writings, their sense of being inspire us. These people know what we should do or say or how to traverse relationships much more efficiently that many of us.

In addition to knowledge and good judgement, what really makes someone wise is a deep feeling for the fears, hopes, passions of others. While we can be blind to our biases, the wise know our own perception of the world is not always accurate or objective and will help us see that.

Being the wisest person in the room means to discipline ourselves to not to rush to judgment. We stop the world when we stop our thoughts, and experience peace and mental clarity.

What happens when that person becomes us, when we become the mantle of responsibility for the family? The reality of the situation moves from one set of shoulders to another, time passes, and we assume responsibility for the the families that we are a part of. Even knowing that will happen it is still a surprise when the realization occurs that it has happened.

It's always been there; I was raised that way, learning the expectations of a leader of the family. When my grandfather died, my grandmother became the matriarch of the family. When she passed, my father became the patriarch. When he died, the torch was passed once again.

I’ve had a number of opportunities to doubt my prowess as patriarch, as I've been figuratively broken for a long time. The bad part about being the patriarch is that people expect you to have the answers. There’s no mentor for me to ask my own questions. How am I supposed to provide guidance when I can't even guide myself?

I'll never ask for the torch, but sometimes the role chooses you. If the role is to be the family truth teller, I can do that. I'll tell my story, and that story becomes our story, and all its embellishments and omissions becomes the story of our lives. If I have any doubts, I will try not to show them. I will not rush to judge, do my best to experience peace and mental clarity, and tell these stories again and again. Because, in the end, we're all stories.